I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You have to summon your inner elephant
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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