I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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