it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I enjoy the company of your penis
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
