I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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