Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
