My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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