Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
