3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
