my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
