and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
