It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
