don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
