I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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