I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
