I puked a lego.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
