he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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