During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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