We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
