did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
