I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
