This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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