i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Randomize
