He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
