I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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