someone owes me an orgasm
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
