she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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