if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
