He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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