we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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