sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
