True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize