he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
