I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
