Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
