I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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