I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
