PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
