He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
