can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize