Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish i was in the wii world.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
