let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
