You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
