is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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