I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize