I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
