My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
