You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
