Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize