my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just tell him i said nine months
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
