AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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