just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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