That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
