I have demons in me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think my moral compass just broke
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