last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
