hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
