I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
