it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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