playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize