i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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