That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize