I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
