Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
