Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
