Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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