i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
