I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
