dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
