Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
