Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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