you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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