I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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