Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
